June 2014: Some Funny Thoughts for Mother's Day

Dear Reader,

 

At this time of year, in celebration of mothers, I usually send out a poem that strikes me as poignant and meaningful. This year, I thought what we might all need is something to smile about.

 

In the spirit of Kids Say the Darndest Things, I just had to share some of these hysterical responses from elementary-aged children when asked questions about their mom. Some of my favorites:

 

Why did God make mothers?

  • "She's the one who knows where the scotch tape is."

What ingredients are mothers made of?

  • "God makes mothers out of clouds and angel-hair and everything nice in the world, and one dab of mean."

What did Mom need to know about Dad before she married him?

  • "His last name."
  • "She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?"
  • "Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?"

Why did your Mom marry your Dad?

  • "My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot."
  • "She got too old to do anything else with him."
  • "My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on."

Who's the boss at your house?

  • "Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad's such a goofball."

What's the difference between moms and dads?

  • "Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them."
  • "Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's."

What does your Mom do in her spare time?

  • "Mothers don't do spare time."

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

  • "She has this weird thing about keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that."
  • "I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me."

Why did God give you your Mother and not some other Mom?

  • "We're related."
  • "God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me."

How did God make mothers?

  • "Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring."

 

Adorable, right?

 

The truth of the matter is, whether you're 7 or 70, mothers are magic. And whether it's God or mom who holds that magic wand, I give all the credit in the world to the women who always know where the scotch tape is, likes her children more than anybody else, and is the person you know is always there - whether she literally keeps you safe or psychologically keeps you safe, she's there.

 

Is it any surprise that 'ma' is the first syllable in 'magician'?

 

For those of you who are mothers, treat yourself to a perfect day. Happy Mother's Day. And to those of you who have mothers, remember to let them know how much you care.

 

 

 

Happy Mother's Day,

Roxanne J. Coady